• AC

Happy 3 year anniversary TBI!


So, there is an insane amount of dark humor around this day and the diagnoses I received right after but I'm rarely candid on the topic. Today, I will be candid...

Living with a TBI with memory issues is fucking difficult. The amount of obstacles I have to overcome every day just to get out of bed is insane and in the beginning didn't feel worth it. The days were hazy, my head just hurt, my eyeballs were always sore from the pain, I couldn't think, concentrate, and definitely couldn't remember anything! As someone that had an insane pictorial memory this was devastating. What in the hell was I going to do now? I had not learned how to study as a kid, because of this sweet pictorial memory I once had. Y'all, like I could legit just think about a specific time and I could take myself back there in my head and see everything that happened, smell all the smells, feel all the things, and see everyone involved to include me. It was so vivid and helpful. Well, that was all gone and the doctor let me know it was never coming back and there was nothing I could do about it. It was devastating.

When Michael and I received my memory loss diagnoses, I really attempted to keep it together and pivot my life. I started a blog, It ain't easy bein' seizy, and wanted to be a health + wellness coach. I knew I wanted to help others like me have a life, have purpose, feel like that matter, feel like a person again, to just feel needed. As someone that has always done everything for everyone else, it was hard to feel like I didn't have a purpose anymore. That I just existed. When I attempted to be candid and open up about the struggles I had, the people I chose to open up to dismissed my feelings and concerns about not having a memory because they have always had memory issues. They couldn't understand why it was so daunting and it felt like they didn't even care. So, I chose not to talk about my issues candidly anymore as I did not want my feelings and concerns to be dismissed and I also didn't want to come across as a victim. So I closed up!

This might have been the worst thing I could have done...


In that moment, everything I had left in me died. At the time, I was studying for the real estate exam and had failed TWICE! Y'all, I had never failed a test like this before in my life. It felt like no matter what my brain was just not gonna work for me and retain enough information to pass. (Yeah, I wanted to be a health + wellness coach 3 years ago and chose real estate because that person that dismissed my memory issue concerns, also told me how stupid I was for wanting to be a health + wellness coach! Be careful who you keep around you!) Well, I did pass the third time around and was just utterly not happy with the decision to go into real estate but had just spent all this time and money getting licensed, so let's see what I can do...

18 months in and I was fucking miserable!!!! Drinking copious amounts of alcohol every single day just to get through it. I was no longer that chick that loved this type of lifestyle and career, but how can I walk away now to pursue coaching? Something I never stopped doing research on and contemplating going after. It came time to renew my license and that comes with all kinds of other fees. THIS IS IT! This is my time to make my decision to jump! A sweet friend reached out to me about an opportunity with Beachbody and 2 mimosas in on a Friday afternoon, living a life I was not proud of and was going nowhere, I said YES! Came home and told Michael that this was what I was going to do and it was going to be fucking amazing! He was so excited for me. This is when my life really turned around...

...but before we get to all the good parts...


One thing about this day that I didn't expect was sadness. It doesn't really feel like sadness, more like I don't feel as strong as everyone keeps telling me I am. Yes, I overcome a lot of obstacles daily... but there were some very dark days. Some days I didn't think I would be able to overcome. Some thoughts that I thought would end my life. I struggled with accepting my new normal, my new life, and to be happy with it. I was irritable with everyone around me for so long and lashing out because the irritability was fucking real!!! Not wanting to live to see another day because the one I was struggling to get through sucked so damn bad. The days I cried in the shower so no one could hear. The nights I spent awake and on the back porch crying because I couldn't sleep and my brain just hurt. It's all the darkness that I don't talk about that makes it difficult for me to see what others praise me for. To me, I wasn't brave or strong. To me, I was just destroying everything and everyone around me because I just couldn't accept what was going on.

So when someone tells me how brave and strong I am... I just don't see it. To me, I was weak and scared. The only way I was actually able to overcome anything is because I am very fucking hard headed and refuse to give up.

Just know...


Today I am so very thankful to be alive. To have overcome every single one of those dark moments and thoughts. Thankful to be able to share my story and what I have found to overcome the brain fog, memory issues, etc. Thankful for my family and friends that stayed by my side and held me up when I couldn't do it myself. I would not be here today telling this tale if it wasn't for my support system.

While I want to keep my blog light, it's also important that I am authentic in what I say and put out there. If you are struggling with depression, for any reason, you are not alone and do not need to suffer in silence. If you are having thoughts of suicide please reach out and ask for help, 800-273-8255.

Stay strong and keep fighting, Warriors! 🤘🏼🖤

- AC




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